So, AudioVole’s back after a too long hiatus, and wouldn’t you know it, our first victim is everyone’s first victim of 2012! Miss Lana Del Rey. Here’s the twisted irony of the whole damn thing: in decrying the public’s focus on everything LDR except her music, Ross and Brandon come out of the gate with one of AudioVole’s longest ever dialectics in which they spend maybe 150 words total actually talking about her new album, Born to Die. Sorry, Lana.
Lana Del Rey – “Video Games” SNL Performance
From: Brandon Hall
To: Ross Angeles
Lana Del Rey’s new album Born to Die is terrible. I haven’t listened to it yet, but in the case of Lana, her music doesn’t really matter, does it? So I just figured it didn’t make a difference whether or not I listened to the album before I wrote a scathing review.
This just about sums it up, I think:
Has there been a more divisive artist in recent memory to set the blogosphere on fire for reasons that seemed to have so little to do with the actual music? Maybe that’s not an entirely fair assessment. Some people did want to talk about the indelibly intriguing, honestly great “Video Games” and “Blue Jeans.” But everyone else, it seemed, just wanted to shit all over those songs by way of not talking about them, instead choosing to make incendiary and disparaging comments about her face, or her image, or the accusation that she’s a talentless major-label plant, which I personally find to be a rather specious argument given the power and uniqueness of “Video Games.” No way Interscope manages to pull that gem out of a focus group.
But the album sucks. I know because I’ve read things from other people who’ve read things by a few people who’ve actually listened to the album and they say it sucks so it must be so. Also I heard some shit about 9/11 that You. Will. Not. Believe.
In fairness, while I haven’t listened to the album I have spent some serious time, obviously, with “Video Games,” “Blue Jeans,” “Born to Die,” and two songs that leaked a couple weeks ago “National Anthem,” and “This is What Makes Us Girls.” As for the latter two, yikes! They’re about as terrible as “Video Games” is great. Actually, that’s not fair to the awfulness of “National Anthem.” It’s far worse than all three of her initial singles were good. Combined. And I quote: “I’m your national anthem/God, you’re so handsome/Take me to the Hamptons.” And by the way, she raps these lyrics. Yeah. She f’ing raps almost through the entirety of that four minute train wreck. She also semi-raps her way through “This is What Makes Us Girls” in case you were wondering. So after hearing those two painfully awful songs, when I read a few pre-release reviews panning the album, I wasn’t surprised.
Of course, this letter to you isn’t really about the music, because who wants to talk about the music when discussing Lana Del Rey? What do you think of her lip injections? Do you think she’s done botox? Did you see her performance on Saturday Night Live? How about what Brian Williams said? Or Jenny Lewis? Damn, haters be hatin’. Did you know she used to be an unsuccessful singer/songwriter who went by her given name, Lizzie Grant, but reinvented herself into this starlet character, Lana Del Rey?
By the way, Stringer Bell has a solid explanation for that last bit:
Ross, I actually have quite a few opinions on all of this, but I’ll get to those on my next go ’round. I do think LDR deserves a fair shake, for what it’s worth, just in case my sarcasm wasn’t quite dripping with the viscosity I intended. And so, while I truly do not expect to like much, if any, of Born to Die, aside from the first three singles, I’ll give it a listen before my next letter. But what do you think of Lana Del Rey, just as a figure in our culture? Why is there so much hatred for someone who, it seems, was just trying to figure out a way to wedge herself into an insanely competitive industry and managed to succeed somewhat?
“I heard that you like the bad girls/Honey, is that true?”
Brandon
Lana Del Rey – “Video Games”
From: Ross Angeles
To: Brandon Hall
Before I build to the base of my defense for Lana Del Rey (holy shit I can’t believe I just had to type that. I’m only now starting to realize what I’ve agreed to in accepting LDR as a client. If we were in an actual court room I’d point to the window, shout “Meteor!”, then sprint for the exit and run toward Mexico.)
Ahem. [straightens tie:smoothes hair] Let me start over.
Before I make my case, let me single out a sentence in the last paragraph of your opening argument: “I truly do not expect to like much, if any, of Born to Die, aside from the first three singles.” Those are your words. You’ve already willfully admitted that Lana Del Rey is three-for-three in her young career and today is releasing a record with no less than that number of bonafide hits. The other dozen tracks could be gurgling sounds of a pool filter trying to pass a dead lizard and Born To Die would be superior to 90% of the records released in 2012.
But as you stated, the music is not what makes Lana Del Rey interesting. In some ways it’s actually the LEAST interesting thing about her (you’d do best to read that last couplet in your best Chuck Klosterman nasal intonation). Lana Del Rey is an absurd creation by unknown mad men. She’s already admitted as much stating “Lana Del Rey came from a series of managers and lawyers over the last 5 years who wanted a name that they thought better fit the sound of the music.” It’s safe to assume those evil geniuses did not endorse such a disclosure as she’s since backpedaled from the admission. But there’s no doubt that LDR is simply pop music’s widest net fishing for the billion people who think they like cool things. For example, this is from an early official press release:
No matter where in the world Lana is, her love of film noir, Italian landscapes, big churches, roller coasters and the memory of faded stars like Bette Davis, Kurt Cobain, Nina Simone and Elvis are the chorus line for her music, and her love of New York is her heartbeat.
That is what her own publicity team wrote about her! LDR is like one of those auto-generated Twitter-bot posts that scavenges for followers by stringing together trending topics. Mr Brainwash, $1 Tahiti Vacation, #IfIWereBlackFor1Day.
Despite all of this the only thing that is surprising is how clumsy the staging has been. Popular music is certainly no stranger to the artificial construction of a performer. May I please introduce into evidence Lady Gaga, GWAR and Chris Gaines. Whether your affectation is wearable meat, foam body armor or a flavor saver, the general idea is the same. Embrace some extravagant idiosyncrasy to separate yourself from a mass audience thereby creating the necessary gap for them to idolize you (and buy a shitload of concert tickets).
Now none of the above really makes a strong case that Lana Del Rey is worth regarding as a valid musician because, well, she’s not a valid musician. At the end of the day she’s Rebecca Black with a better song, slimmer figure and larger PR team. The thing that perplexes me is why everyone cares so much. The music blogger crowd has tried to snark her to death because she’s adopted a ridiculous pseudonym, wrapped herself in false mystique and claimed an eccentric point of view. Wait…did I just describe LDR or Carles from Hipster Runoff?
It just seems the culturally aware have better things to deeply consider, like the fact that the process of making your new iPhone probably caused someone to blow up in China. And if you’re dead set on criticizing a person can we just take aim at someone who is insufferable and actually being themselves? I nominate Ben Lyons.
“Choose your words/This is the last time/Cause you and I, we were born to die.”
Ross
Lana Del Rey – “Blue Jeans”
From: Brandon Hall
To: Ross Angeles
Mr. Angeles, I must say your argument feels about as spurious as Lana’s lips, at least as artificial as her name. You cannot convincingly argue that she as an artist is a record label creation because her stage name was the result of PR firm and managerial brainstorming sessions. A name is a name. As far as I can tell, no other convincing argument beyond speculation has been put forth to prove that the image she espouses or the songs she sings are anything but her own creation. Bette Davis, Kurt Cobain, Nina Simone, and Elvis? You think she couldn’t have come up with those names on her own? She’s a young woman enchanted by fame and glamour, particularly of the 50’s vintage variety. This seems odd to anyone? Name me a pop star on a major label without advisers, managers, lawyers, and a PR team.
So what are we mad about? That Lizzie Grant signed to Interscope and changed her name? Bob Dylan changed his name from Zimmerman. Jon Stewart changed his name from Leibowitz. I’m assuming Madonna once had a last name.
Are we mad that she is inauthentic? And what does that charge mean, anyway? Given the axiom that observing inherently changes that which is being observed, is any celebrity, musician, or artist truly authentic? I don’t understand “authenticity.” Is it Tom Waits? He’s had the freedom to make any music he damn well pleased for decades now, but I have no idea what the dude is like at home and with friends. How about Britney Spears? She’s never not been on a major record label, but don’t you get the impression that with her, what you see is what you get? And is anyone really so naive as to think that the music industry is anything but a cutthroat business? A lot of inauthentic things are dressed up to appear “authentic;” a lot of things are made to look purposely baroque and avant-garde. But no one debates that the goal is to sell records and make money. So why get mad at someone when their angle works, except out of jealousy for not being able to do it yourself?
Is it because she’s an attractive woman? I have to say, I’ve noticed not a little misogyny in many of the critiques against her. Being a famous woman in this country seems like hell. You’re supposed to be pretty, but not too pretty. You should be tough, but not a bitch. You’re not supposed to get old, but if we can tell you had plastic surgery, you’re a charlatan and/or a monster. It always seemed like Hilary Clinton was despised much more than Bill. I never understood the vitriol leveled at Nancy Pelosi, vile epithets that seemed to extend far beyond political disagreement. Is it that Lana Del Rey is pretty but her lips make it seem inauthentically so? Wouldn’t that be true of every woman who wears makeup? And might I point out, she was rather attractive before the colagen injections.
Or is it that she’s pretty but seems untalented? This is the argument I find most noisome, and where I think your comparison to Rebecca Black is most off base. Whereas Black was a musical oddity, a fourteen-year-old performing a song written for/with her by a small Los Angeles record label that became a cultural phenomenon mostly for the unintentional comedy of being so bad, Lana Del Rey exploded onto the scene on the back of “Video Games,” a genuinely fascinating, contradictory, and visceral song whose somber instrumentation belies its obsequious lyrics.
And so what do you mean when you say, “She’s not a valid musician?” Based on whose criteria? The fact that she writes most if not all of her own songs (a fact made painfully obvious on the album) already puts her leagues ahead of many record label flagship bearers who only have to sing and be charismatic, both of which, by the way, Lana Del Rey has proven adept at doing, at least on wax. So she’s a singer/songwriter signed to Interscope. What part of that makes her invalid? The Interscope part? Or is it that you don’t like her music? Which is fine. I’ve listened to the album (told you I would!) and don’t much care for it, myself. But it doesn’t invalidate her as a musician or an artist.
As for the charge that she’s a major label creation, how can we possibly buy that when her whole schtick feels so undercooked? You, yourself, said, “the only thing that is surprising is how clumsy the staging has been.” Doesn’t that make you pause and wonder whether or not there was actually much staging at all? Looking at the timeline, from record label signing to name change to “Video Games” to SNL to LP, it all feels incredibly, haphazardly rushed, especially for an artist who was creating for herself a brand new persona. If we’re being so cynical and callous to believe that Elizabeth Grant is nothing more than a major label pawn, then doesn’t it seem odd that Interscope would trot her out on Saturday Night Live so woefully unprepared? Part of her problem is that she doesn’t even know, yet, what Lana Del Rey’s voice is – a reoccurring problem throughout the album.
There are some really beautifully, fully formed artistic pop-music creations in our very recent past, specifically Nicki Minaj and Lady Gaga. Be they artist-rendered and controlled personas or record label, focus-grouped edifices, those ladies don’t stumble and don’t crack. Saturday Night Live is a really hard venue to play – it’s not in front of an audience, just cameras; the sound is notoriously crappy; you only get one take. But what happened with Lana makes a lot more sense when you look at it as a young woman named Lizzie Grant trying to figure out a character in front of a national audience months before she’s ready than a major label creation manufactured in a factory, prepackaged and ready for delivery. The most likely explanation is that buzz around “Video Games” got too intense too quickly, long before either Lana or Interscope were ready. Interscope leapt at the opportunity and churned out an ill-considered album and under-prepared star in order to capitalize on the surprising buzz of a song that was probably only meant to test the waters. I get the feeling “Video Games” was supposed to be a hint of more to come, rather than an end in itself. But now we have the internet to ruin it for everyone.
Okay. Wow. This went long. And I actually really wanted to talk about her album. So, Ross, by all means, I turn this wonderful discussion over to you, and I’ll pick it up on Friday where hopefully I’ll get to speak my mind about how Born to Die tarnished my love for “Video Games.”
“You so fresh to death and sick as cancer,”
Brandon
Lana Del Rey – “Born to Die”
From: Ross Angeles
To: Brandon Hall
Mr. Hall, not once in my opening statement did I promise to make you love my client. Never was it my intention for her to earn your sympathy. My argument is not that she is talented, my argument is that she is feckless. Stricken with immature abilities and only the smallest measure of success I still cannot fathom why you are calling for capital punishment.
Think about this for one second. Along the vast continuum of popular culture Lana Del Rey is still a relative unknown. I would hazard a guess that 8 out of 10 people you stop in the street tomorrow have never heard of her. But I would guarantee you the 20% who are aware of LDR hate her with the power of a thousand suns. Has there ever been a “cult icon” who is exclusively hated by their slim audience? And the more compelling question is why have the pop culture cognescenti decided to goose-step against this invisible tyranny of Lana Del Rey?
I have three theories.
Now if it may please the court, this counselor would like to request some latitude as it’s about to get heady.
The first theory is as bleak as it is simple. It presumes internet culture seeks a unified repository for all of its deepest failures and darkest shame. It is from this trough of collective disillusionment that bloggers have armed themselves for their attacks on LDR. And why is she their sole target? Because of the bounty she has been undeservedly awarded by fate: a rich father; slim gams; an accidentally perfect pop song. Anonymous online mob mentality is nothing new, but if you consider the evidence on its own merits the results suggest not only should she be spared the overheated criticism, but may actually be due some acclaim. On her side are a breathless, catchy internet sensation . Some brand new catalog material with silly titles, but acquitting themselves as solid album filler. And an SNL performance that was staid and pitchy, but not deserving of this because it was better than this and this. It’s as if the digital powers that be got together and decided to oppose Lana Del Rey from her inception without consideration of the quality of her output. Simply put, we are living in a world where she could never be loved.
The second theory points out the “real” problem. Now I do not mean “points out the actual problem.” I mean that the problem is the painfully obvious fact that Lana Del Rey is so conspicuously not real. Your earlier point was valid: contemporary music has recently delivered some intriguing false gods (Nikki Minaj, Lady Gaga, whoever Kanye is attempting to convince us he really is). These are our musical superheroes. They have genesis stories. Defining characteristics. And, most importantly, integrity to a single founding principle that allows us to stomach the mythology. In pop music we are all too happy to ignore the man behind the curtain and suspend our disbelief, however it becomes a problem when he clumsily relies on a Mad Libs trend generator to write a stalled-out fembot’s press release (Coney Island, 8 millimeter footage, pre-cum!) We were willing to rock out with a ballad crooning space alien arriving on earth to warn us of the final years of Earth’s existence, but stomaching a “gangsta Nancy Sinatra” is a bridge too far.
The third theory posits that when we see Lana Del Rey we see our future and it freaks us the fuck out. The current generation that sits in cruel judgment of LDR was the first to grow up believing that we can be whatever we wanted. Our parents suggested careers as doctors, lawyers, astronauts…however it turned out that when left to our own devices we all just wanted to be famous. Which has begat an overconfident, underemployed caste system of aspiring actors, musicians, novelists and filmmakers. We are the dreamers of the dream, the snarkers of the snark. And when we see LDR we see our own future spawn. Doe-eyed daughters harboring the dream of landing a recording contract. And since she was raised in a progressive household, the artistic, understanding father might just be willing to pull some strings with his burnout music producer buddy for an afternoon of studio time and convince his film school roommate to re-cut his senior thesis into a YouTube video of piquant found footage. As our generation has become the unwashed hipster progeny of prosperous Reaganites, we will spawn a wave of artistic minds with not only the vaulting ambition of youth but the parental meddling necessary to deliver their each and every dream. We will raise the generation of people we all wanted to be. All able to indulge in making shitty music, boring films and oblong sculpture that doesn’t fit in your trunk. It will be a future race of Lana Del Reys. They will all be precious. They will all be fully realized. And they will all be insufferable assholes.
And if none of those theories do it for you maybe LDR is best explained here.
“Running from the cops/In our black bikini tops/Screaming get us while we’re hot!”
Ross
***
From: Brandon Hall
To: Ross Angeles
Before I respond in full, you realize you wrote that 100% of people who know who Lana Del Rey is “hate her with the power of a thousand suns,” right? You must know that’s an absurd statement.
First of all, given the ubiquity of LDR in our culture right now, far more than 20% of Americans know who she is. She was on Saturday Night Live, remember, and it was kind of a big deal – the train wreck, that is. A big enough deal to make anyone who didn’t know her before, remember her (for being awful, but still).
Second of all, we can argue without question that she is a divisive character, but there is by no means a uniformity of hate. I, for one, feel absolutely no vitriol towards her at all, as I feel I clearly established in my last post. I was actually looking forward to her album before I heard “National Anthem,” as I know many others were, as well. Who doesn’t want to hear more songs like “Video Games” and “Blue Jeans?” I know the writers at Stereogum and Pitchfork actually think pretty highly at least of those first two singles. She is a very interesting, complex character, but in no way can you say she is universally reviled by all who know of her existence. That, my friend, is quite a bit of hyperbole.
“Baby love me ’cause I’m playing on the radio,”
Brandon
Lana Del Rey – “Video Games” (On German TV!)
Dude. German TV is exactly how I imagined!
From: Ross Angeles
To: Brandon Hall
Brandon,
Thank you for preceding my column with an attacking pre-amble and following it up with an undercutting post-script. Really making it a welcome place for other voices. In the interest of defending my own words allow me to say the following:
I’m sure all of your Brooklynite, vegan friends who clog couches at coffee houses are well aware who Lana Del Rey is. I’m sure they’ve known her for over a year, “liked her early stuff”, and can bore us all with a story about spotting her at Magnolia Bakery. What I’m also sure of is that LDR is not well known outside of the folks who read every Gawker post. Her initial success bubbled up off the internet with virtually no marketing support and her most notable appearance was a two song performance that began after midnight on a show that Nielsen ratings indicate is four times less popular than Betty White’s 90th Birthday. In general, it’s not all that hyperbolic to think that there are medium-sized towns scattered between New York and Los Angeles where no resident is aware of who Lana Del Rey is.
On the second point, Lana Del Rey may have charmed part of an audience with her early internet singles, but virtually all of the initial praise has become twisted and bent. You can do the research – go out there and find me one piece written in the past month that was unflinchingly optimistic on the topic of LDR. The only stuff I can find are vitriolic blog posts, caustic tweets and the occasional magazine puff piece that was paid for by her handlers. Can you find one established critic who is a devout LDR apologist?
Also, the difference between LDR and your typical pop-culture pariah is that she lacks a bomb shelter. When Britney Spears was being ripped apart by the media there were still legions of oblivious tweens bopping along to her sugary pop music. When Jessica Simpson was under fire there were horny, single men still willing to turn into her show. There is no adoring legion of fans who are dyed in the wool LDR supporters. She hasn’t cultivated a a sturdy support base. The very demographic that she was courting has now savagely turned against her leaving virtually no one to publicly support or defend her.
“The road is long/We carry on/Try to have fun in the meantime”
Ross
***
From: Brandon Hall
To: Ross Angeles
Well, first of all, where is Magnolia Bakery?
In regards to demographics and public awareness, the exercise seems futile and moot. Most Americans probably don’t know who The National is, either, but they still sell out huge venues. LCD Soundsystem’s last show sold out Madison Square Garden but I doubt either of my parents have any idea who the band or James Murphy is, even though I’ve definitely played them some of his music. Lana Del Rey is relevant enough to be discussed here at length, as well as to be booked on Saturday Night Live, to be featured on ESPN’s Bill Simmons’ Grantland, and basically talked about everywhere. If Bill Simmons is talking about you, you done made it. I feel pretty confident more people know who Lana Del Rey is than know who the National is, and that is a stain on our country but a post for another time. Point is, I think calling her a “relative unknown” overstates the fact and is far more applicable to just about anyone else in the indie rock world, of which she happens to be a member simply based on the fact that those are the people listening to and talking about her.
As for your challenge to “go out there and find me one piece written in the past month that was unflinchingly optimistic on the topic of LDR,” I challenge you to find a piece that is “unflinchingly optimistic” about anything! Such a thing doesn’t exist if you want to have any credibility as a writer or journalist. And because of the intense backlash, it’s impossible to find an article about her that doesn’t at least mention said vitriolic faction, which doesn’t mean the author is being at all negative, rather simply acknowledging the divisive nature of the subject of the article.
Furthermore, what do you mean when you ask if I know of any critic who is a “devout LDR apologist?” What is there to apologize for?
There are lots of critics who fawned over her first two singles and remained anxious to hear more right up until the release of her album. Here. Here. Here. Here. That’s just two sites, but I wanted to keep writing. Most people loved the first three singles, have been mixed since then, and everyone, like me, is just fascinated by the hate. Also, just about everyone finds her album to be pretty mediocre. I can hardly find anyone who completely trashes it, though no one is calling it a gift from the pop music gods, either.
I’m not exactly sure what your point is. Because you can’t find any rock critic who fawns obsequiously over her, she must be irrelevant and/or untalented? She’s a singer/songwriter who released a couple fantastic songs and followed it up with a few shaky performances and a mediocre album. For the majority of people, that’s all there is. Beyond that, there is a small, vocal faction – the LDR Tea Party – who are calling for her to be burned at the stake. If you can’t see beyond those nincompoops, I fear you may be wearing blinders.
However, in your last post, you failed to explain where exactly your hatred comes from. You started by saying you never promised to make me love Lana Del Rey, but I wasn’t asking for that. I want to know what it is about her that makes you say things like, “she’s not a valid musician. At the end of the day she’s Rebecca Black with a better song, slimmer figure and larger PR team.” I mean, your piece began as a critique of the public’s lambasting of this artist, and within that critique, you senselessly pummeled her into a bloody pulp with no explanation as to whence your act of critical violence came.
You just hate her for no reason. And it seems like a lot of people do. That’s what I don’t understand. Where is that coming from?
One final point in response to your last post. I know you, Ross. You’re not that old. I suppose, technically, you fall into Generation X, but as has been discussed previously on this site, you’re actually a member of Generation Catalano, along with me. Lana Del Rey falls just outside of Generation Catalano, but she is in no way emblematic of the future generation. I’m afraid that she is much more our peer than our progeny. I don’t know what personality traits our children will embody, but looking at Lana Del Rey is actually much more like looking in a mirror than peering into the future. She is the now, my friend, and we are her.
Okay. Quickly. About the album. Very mediocre, yes. My biggest issue with it is that Lana Del Rey casts herself as a weak, besotted, and passive girl (she hardly seems to meet the qualities necessary for me to use a word like “woman”) desperate for the love and attention of disinterested, aloof, or wealthy men. Nearly every song is pathetically maudlin in its yearning for the love of a man, while often pied with rap quotables, which makes much of the album rather gag-inducing. The reason I mentioned a couple days ago that the album tarnished “Video Games” for me is that, initially, the somber orchestration of that song seemed to belie the lyrics, exposing a much more cynical and sardonic message. “Open up a beer/Say get over here/And play a video game…It’s you/It’s you/It’s all for you…Heaven is a place on Earth with you/Tell me all the things you want to do…” Initially, I thought this was beautifully subversive and cutting. Taken in the context of the whole album, it feels very much on the nose and unfortunately earnest. Then, of course, she confirms my fears by saying, “Video Games has a melancholic feel, but the lyrics are happy.” /sad face
So I feel like “Video Games” was an accident, which really bums me out, and makes me wish artists would not talk about their songs, just in case they accidentally do something that feels ambiguous and awesome. Here’s hoping Lana Del Rey actually stops writing her own songs, so she can vamp and croon to some professionally written, interesting shit! You know, like this. /wink
“Diet Mountain Dew, baby, New York City/Never was there ever a girl so pretty,”
Brandon
Born To Die is out on Interscope.
AudioVole 
Discussion
No comments yet.