Ross lays down three theories and some completely baseless statistics for the Lana Del Rey witch hunt. But at least this “defense” of LDR does manage to somewhat defend her, a big step from his previous backhanded defense, which he used to subtly beat and abuse his client.
Lana Del Rey – “Born to Die”
From: Ross Angeles
To: Brandon Hall
Mr. Hall, not once in my opening statement did I promise to make you love my client. Never was it my intention for her to earn your sympathy. My argument is not that she is talented, my argument is that she is feckless. Stricken with immature abilities and only the smallest measure of success I still cannot fathom why you are calling for capital punishment.
Think about this for one second. Along the vast continuum of popular culture Lana Del Rey is still a relative unknown. I would hazard a guess that 8 out of 10 people you stop in the street tomorrow have never heard of her. But I would guarantee you the 20% who are aware of LDR hate her with the power of a thousand suns. Has there ever been a “cult icon” who is exclusively hated by their slim audience? And the more compelling question is why have the pop culture cognescenti decided to goose-step against this invisible tyranny of Lana Del Rey?
I have three theories.
Now if it may please the court, this counselor would like to request some latitude as it’s about to get heady.
The first theory is as bleak as it is simple. It presumes internet culture seeks a unified repository for all of its deepest failures and darkest shame. It is from this trough of collective disillusionment that bloggers have armed themselves for their attacks on LDR. And why is she their sole target? Because of the bounty she has been undeservedly awarded by fate: a rich father; slim gams; an accidentally perfect pop song. Anonymous online mob mentality is nothing new, but if you consider the evidence on its own merits the results suggest not only should she be spared the overheated criticism, but may actually be due some acclaim. On her side are a breathless, catchy internet sensation . Some brand new catalog material with silly titles, but acquitting themselves as solid album filler. And an SNL performance that was staid and pitchy, but not deserving of this because it was better than this and this. It’s as if the digital powers that be got together and decided to oppose Lana Del Rey from her inception without consideration of the quality of her output. Simply put, we are living in a world where she could never be loved.
The second theory points out the “real” problem. Now I do not mean “points out the actual problem.” I mean that the problem is the painfully obvious fact that Lana Del Rey is so conspicuously not real. Your earlier point was valid: contemporary music has recently delivered some intriguing false gods (Nikki Minaj, Lady Gaga, whoever Kanye is attempting to convince us he really is). These are our musical superheroes. They have genesis stories. Defining characteristics. And, most importantly, integrity to a single founding principle that allows us to stomach the mythology. In pop music we are all too happy to ignore the man behind the curtain and suspend our disbelief, however it becomes a problem when he clumsily relies on a Mad Libs trend generator to write a stalled-out fembot’s press release (Coney Island, 8 millimeter footage, pre-cum!) We were willing to rock out with a ballad crooning space alien arriving on earth to warn us of the final years of Earth’s existence, but stomaching a “gangsta Nancy Sinatra” is a bridge too far.
The third theory posits that when we see Lana Del Rey we see our future and it freaks us the fuck out. The current generation that sits in cruel judgment of LDR was the first to grow up believing that we can be whatever we wanted. Our parents suggested careers as doctors, lawyers, astronauts…however it turned out that when left to our own devices we all just wanted to be famous. Which has begat an overconfident, underemployed caste system of aspiring actors, musicians, novelists and filmmakers. We are the dreamers of the dream, the snarkers of the snark. And when we see LDR we see our own future spawn. Doe-eyed daughters harboring the dream of landing a recording contract. And since she was raised in a progressive household, the artistic, understanding father might just be willing to pull some strings with his burnout music producer buddy for an afternoon of studio time and convince his film school roommate to re-cut his senior thesis into a YouTube video of piquant found footage. As our generation has become the unwashed hipster progeny of prosperous Reaganites, we will spawn a wave of artistic minds with not only the vaulting ambition of youth but the parental meddling necessary to deliver their each and every dream. We will raise the generation of people we all wanted to be. All able to indulge in making shitty music, boring films and oblong sculpture that doesn’t fit in your trunk. It will be a future race of Lana Del Reys. They will all be precious. They will all be fully realized. And they will all be insufferable assholes.
And if none of those theories do it for you maybe LDR is best explained here.
“Running from the cops/In our black bikini tops/Screaming get us while we’re hot!”
Ross
***
From: Brandon Hall
To: Ross Angeles
Before I respond in full, you realize you wrote that 100% of people who know who Lana Del Rey is “hate her with the power of a thousand suns,” right? You must know that’s an absurd statement.
First of all, given the ubiquity of LDR in our culture right now, far more than 20% of Americans know who she is. She was on Saturday Night Live, remember, and it was kind of a big deal – the train wreck, that is. A big enough deal to make anyone who didn’t know her before, remember her (for being awful, but still).
Second of all, we can argue without question that she is a divisive character, but there is by no means a uniformity of hate. I, for one, feel absolutely no vitriol towards her at all, as I feel I clearly established in my last post. I was actually looking forward to her album before I heard “National Anthem,” as I know many others were, as well. Who doesn’t want to hear more songs like “Video Games” and “Blue Jeans?” I know the writers at Stereogum and Pitchfork actually think pretty highly at least of those first two singles. She is a very interesting, complex character, but in no way can you say she is universally reviled by all who know of her existence. That, my friend, is quite a bit of hyperbole.
“Baby love me ’cause I’m playing on the radio,”
Brandon
Born To Die is out on Interscope.
AudioVole 
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